Stress Part 4 – Perceptions

If you have a child, you’ve probably had this conversation:

Child – “BUT I NEEEED IT!!”

You – “You don’t need it.  You just want it.”

Child – (While lying on the floor screaming and in tears) III NNNEEEDDD IIITTT!  I need it!  I need it!  I need it!  NOW!

Ah, the joys of parenthood.  If you don’t have children, please feel free to laugh out loud.  And if you’re planning on having them, then your day is coming!

I need a haircut.  I need to get an oil change.  I need to get my nails done.  I need a drink.  I need a vacation.  I need a new car.  The list could go on and on.  Are these really, as we say, needs?  Or are they wants? If I were to tell you there’s a big difference, you would probably be offended.  Of course you know that, but the fact is that people tend to use these two very different economic terms interchangeably as if they have similar, or even identical meanings.  So what is the difference?  When I ask my students this question, they almost always say that a need is something you can’t survive without.  A need can either be physical and objective, like food, water, clothing, and shelter or psychological and subjective, like security, autonomy, and self-esteem.  A want, on the other hand, is something you desire, but could go without if you had to.  A need is survival based.  A want is not.

Take a moment to jot down five things that you need, and five things that you want.  Easy, right?  Seems like it should be, but people frequently have difficulty with this little exercise.  We’ve usually heard a lot throughout our lives about the concept of want versus need, but rarely have we ever taken the time to sit down and really think about it from a personal standpoint.

Want	Need
1.	1.
2.	2.
3.	3.
4.	4.
5.	5.

Now imagine that you make your living as a hair model and have an upcoming audition for a new Clairol commercial.  You haven’t had a job in some time and landing this gig is absolutely necessary if you are going to maintain your current lifestyle while continuing to pay all of your bills on time.  The audition is in two days and on your way to the salon to get your hair cut and colored, your car breaks down. Without your car you can’t get your hair done.  You need to get your hair done if there’s any chance you’re going to land that audition.  You need your car.  So after you call the salon to reschedule your hair appointment for the next day, you call up your insurance company, get the car towed to the nearest mechanic, and pray that whatever it is can be fixed quickly.  After giving the car a once over, the mechanic informs you that it’s going to take three days to fix the car.  You need to be at that audition.  You need your car sooner than three days.

Using the distinction outlined above, is the word need used accurately in this scenario or should we have used want here instead?  Let’s take a look at what’s being threatened.  Security?  Autonomy?  Self-esteem?  All three seem like likely possibilities.  Are security, autonomy, and self-esteem things that we can survive without?  For most of us, the answer is no.  Not for any length of time anyway.  So if security, autonomy, and self-esteem are necessary for survival and are in fact being threatened by the loss of access to your car, then based on the distinction outlined above, the use of the word need in this scenario is correct.  What if, however, you were able to avoid the threat to security, autonomy, and self-esteem by renting a car, taking the bus, or getting help from a family member or friend?  In that case, the loss of access to your car becomes an inconvenience as opposed to a threat to survival, and use of the word want is more accurate.

 

Earlier, we discussed the role of perception in the initiation of the fight or flight response during episodes of acute or chronic stress.  We determined that a threat to survival, whether actual or perceived, was necessary for the initiation of the fight or flight response and concluded that one way to reduce the harmful psychological and physiological effects of stress and the fight or flight response might be to focus on changing our perceptions of situations that are not truly life threatening.  So how is that related to our current discussion on wants versus needs?

 

If needs are things that we can’t survive without, then any time a threat to one’s needs is present, whether physical or psychological, actual or perceived, the result will be acute or chronic stress.  Any time we convince ourselves that we need something, whether we actually need it or not, we place ourselves at greater risk for suffering higher levels of stress in the event that something threatens our ability to meet that need.  When you consider how often people use the terms need and want interchangeably, as if they have similar, or even identical meanings, this initially seemingly small and insignificant human tendency, now has some pretty serious implications.  Might it behoove us all to pay a bit more attention to the stress we may be inadvertently adding to our lives by thoughtlessly mis-classifying our wants as needs?

 

 

 

External Barriers to Change – Stress Part 3

Since the chemicals released in the body during the fight or flight response are the primary culprits in much of the psychological and physiological damage associated with stress, let’s have a closer look at the situations which typically cause this type of response.  The fight or flight response is triggered in circumstances of both acute and chronic stress, in response to a stressor that (1) is a real OR perceived attack, harm, or threat to survival, and (2) is perceived as being beyond the control of the person experiencing the stressor.   Well that’s interesting.  Perception seems to be a key ingredient to whether or not the fight or flight response is triggered.  So then, what is perception?  Well, according to dictionary.com perception is the result or product of becoming aware of, knowing or identifying by means of the senses.  Ok, then my next logical question is, is it possible to change perceptions?  Of course I always ask this question to my students and to this day I haven’t found anyone who does not believe that perceptions can change.  So if perception, specifically perception of threat and lack of control, is necessary for the initiation of the fight or flight response, then doesn’t it make sense that if we practice changing the way we perceive stressful situations that are not truly life threatening and focusing on the areas where we do have control, we can begin to reduce the amount psychological and physiological damage associated with stress?  Change your perceptions and take back some control.  Simple.  Not easy.

Next steps – How do we change perception or take back control…?

External Barriers to Change – Stress Part 2

Let’s start at the beginning.  What is stress?  Defining stress is no easy task.  This little booger of a word is really hard to nail down, mostly because stress is a largely subjective experience that we all interpret differently.  What is stressful for one person may be pleasurable or have little effect on others.  Hans Selye was the first guy to really start using the term “stress” as we use it today.   His definition of stress is “the non-specific response of the body to any demand for change.”  That’s pretty wide open.  The American Psychological Association defines stress as “the pattern of specific and nonspecific responses an organism makes to stimulus events that disturb its equilibrium and tax or exceed its ability to cope.”  Not much more clear-cut.  I could go on, listing off several other definitions from various sources, there’s certainly no shortage, but the point is that all of the definitions of stress are quite vague and all encompassing to accommodate the multifaceted and subjective nature of this human phenomenon.

Let’s dig a little deeper.  What are the different types of stress?  Surely you’ve heard the terms acute stress, chronic stress, perhaps even eustress.  Any short-term episode of stress is typically classified as acute stress.  Acute stress can be unpleasant or thrilling and exciting.  Acute stress that is thrilling and exciting is often referred to as eustress and is typically experienced in response to a relatively brief, moderate level stressor in a setting that overall feels safe.  Roller coaster rides, a fast run down a challenging ski slope, or a passionate first kiss are all examples of eustress.  An auto accident, an imminent deadline, a child’s occasional problems at school, or a root canal on the other hand, while all relatively brief and moderate level stressors, are anything but thrilling and exciting and typically occur in a setting that feels much more dangerous, out of control and unpredictable.  This kind of acute stress is the well-known “fight or flight” response, and despite its unpleasant characteristics, is a good thing to have, because it helps keep us alive. By its very design, the fight or flight response leads us to fight or to flee.  When our senses perceive an attack, harm, or threat to our survival, the adrenal gland secretes adrenaline, glucocorticoids, and other stress hormones, triggering an instantaneous and simultaneous increase in respiration, blood pressure and heart rate.  Large amounts of oxygen are pumped into the blood stream and throughout the body, enabling muscles to respond both instantly and with immense amounts of exertion.  Once the fighting is over, and the perceived threat—which triggered the response—has been eliminated, our body and mind return to a state of calm.

From an evolutionary standpoint, the fight or flight response is designed to protect us from the predators that once lurked in the woods and fields around us, threatening our physical survival.  During times when our physical survival is truly being threatened, it is an extraordinary response to have on our side, but what happens when the exact same stress response gets turned on for purely psychological states?   When we’re worrying about bouncing a check or making the mortgage payment, having an argument with a family member or boss, or thinking about the ozone layer or mortality, even though it’s not life or death, our perception is often enough to trigger the exact same physiological reaction as if it was.  Our bodies release the same stress hormones, causing us to hyperventilate, our hearts to pound, and our muscles to tense.

Now imagine for a moment how often we Americans find ourselves immersed in this sort of psychological state. More or less frequently, do you suppose, than our ancient ancestors found themselves face to face with a saber tooth tiger?  Well, if our responses to the annual nationwide Stress in America™ survey are any indication at all, the answer is, more frequently – a lot more frequently.  So what’s the problem with that?  The problem is that the human body, while designed to withstand occasional extreme stress for brief periods of time, is not designed to withstand the sustained high level of chemicals released during frequent and chronic episodes of the fight or flight response.

While acute stress can in some cases be thrilling and exciting, chronic stress is not.  Chronic stress is the grinding stress of unrelenting demands and pressures that wears us down day after day, year after year. It’s the kind of stress over which we feel we have little or no control. It’s the stress of financial instability, of dysfunctional families, or of being trapped in an unhappy marriage or job situation. That which becomes old and familiar, which a person gets used to and eventually forgets is even there.  Over time, chronic stress causes a cumulative buildup of toxic and corrosive hormones that our bodies can’t properly metabolize.  Its long-term attrition depletes physical and mental resources, destroying our bodies, minds and lives; upsetting our immune and reproductive systems, impacting our behaviors, accelerating the aging process, altering our brain chemistry and fat cell storage, impairing cell communication and killing us through cancer, heart attack, stroke, suicide, violence, addiction, and a myriad of other hormonal, immune, and autonomic nervous system disorders.

Oh yes, and it has a tendency to disrupt our attempts at change, in case you missed that…